The science of human behavior

Human behavior is a strange thing. It's funny how we often think we've got it all figured out, but it feels then other times it's like you're playing a guessing game of who did what and why.

Take, for instance, those moments when a critical conversation becomes unavoidable. You know the ones. That colleague who is always late... or or a less-than-stellar interaction with a client right in front of your boss. That's the spark that ignites the need for action.

Let's take a closer look at how us humans really handle these situations.

Looking through the filter

There is an incident, and then there is a reaction. That’s how human behavior works, right? The incident causes the reaction to happen. But there's a lot more going on than you think.

To truly understand how we as humans act, we must first realize that each person sees the world through their own filter—in essence altering the way they see the world around them. It’s why you and your friend constantly argue over who did it best: DC or Marvel.

Each of us has this filter through which we see the world. Our filters are made up of our personal values, our beliefs of right and wrong, what we expect from others, and all of our past experiences. No two filters are alike, just like no two people are alike. Your filter impacts the way you see and experience the world around you. In real time, the incident you were a part of is instantaneously received through your filter and triggers an automatic physical, emotional, and intellectual reaction.

Fight vs. flight

Now, let’s get real for a sec. Imagine you’re walking down a sketchy alley after dark, and suddenly there's a loud bang. Cue the adrenaline rush. Your muscles tense, you clench your fists and get ready to bolt. You’re afraid (your emotional response), thinking a gun was just fired and you’re in danger (your intellectual response). Your filter tells you darkness + loud bang = danger. All of this happens in a split second.

Now, imagine a waiter who works at a restaurant on the same block. Same bang, different reaction. Why? He's used to walking the alley after shift. His filter tells him it's just the sound of trash hitting the dumpster. No heart-pounding fear, just business as usual.

You reacted, now what?

This isn’t the end of the story, though. Our filter only explains our instantaneous reaction, clenching our fists and preparing to run; it doesn’t explain the actions in the subsequent minutes. Do we call the police? Do we move out to the street? Do we hide?

These actions come as a result of our core desires as human beings. If there is one thing that’s true about all humans, it is that we have two desires: the desire to avoid pain and the desire to seek pleasure. It’s pretty basic, and if you look at why people do what they do, it explains most human behaviors.

It doesn’t mean that people are logical in seeking pleasure or avoiding pain; it simply means they act most often out of the avoidance of something painful, like having a critical conversation, and toward something pleasurable in the short term, like eating a piece of chocolate. This desire leads us to make a choice about what to do; this choice is often not a conscious one.

Think about a recent incident that triggered a surprising reaction from you. How do you think your personal filter influenced that response? Was anyone affected by your choice?